Listen to the Voice

We all have that voice inside of us that tells us what is happening. It gives us warning bells, advice and more. It is our intuition saying "Hey, this is what is up". Do you listen to that voice, or do you squash it down and ignore it?

I've been learning to listen to it more. I listened to it a long time ago and it made for some awkward times. I didn't fit in, I went against the norm. So I ignored it. I ignored it for years. Then I started sorta listening to it until I started listening to Women Wanting More. Dr. Osburn urges you to listen to that voice inside, especially if it is loud and insistent. Listen to what it is saying. Your intuition can be strong. The term "women's intuition" didn't become a "thing" for no reason.

Don't let others deter you from listening to the Voice, the one that tells you that you can do it, that you are ready, gives you the ideas you need, tells you what path to be on.

Do you have someone who is telling you not too? Are they questioning what you want to do? Are they telling you it will never work? Stand up for yourself. Use you voice even if it shakes and cracks and scares you to your core. You are worth it. You are worth taking that chance. Go all in. Defend what you want.

The more you defend what you want and take the steps and actions you need in order to get there, the strpnger the Voice becomes. Be your own advocate. Yes you have to surround yourself with a tribe that will support you, but sometimes you will have to gain their support after you stand up for yourself. Don't let anyone bully you into thinking you can't do it or you aren't good enough.

Want to know more about what Dr. Karen has to say? Head on over to podcast episode #13 Speak Your Truth...Even if Your Voice Shakes.

What is Your Story?

These last several posts I've talked about some tough issues. Things in life that can be difficult but it is freeing when you break though. I can't claim credit, all of these thought provoking journies come from a motivational speaker (I don't know if she would really want to be called that lol). In previous posts I've added a link to her site. I'll add the podcast number and title to the bottom of each post from now on so you can listen to it yourself. If you decide to join her facebook page and follow her direction, let me know. It's been pretty good for me so far!

#WomenWantingMore

When it Gets Tough

There will be multiple times when you wanna say f*#k this, I'm done. I QUIT!

Don't every time you want to quit you are so close to a victory. Keep pushing through that wall. I gave up and quit far too many times. I hate being a quitter, but I did. I came up with every excuse in the book. I just let everything get in the way, allowing my fears to drown out all the hard work I put in long before now.

I dislike the idea of wasting my 20's and the first half of my 30's. I'm choosing to not see it as wasted time, but I do think I allowed things to get in the way. I created stories as to why I couldn't do it. Honestly? I'd probably still be telling stories, but after I had my girls I wanted more. I wanted more than to drift through a job. I wanted meaning, and a purpose in what I do for work. If my life wasn't going to be a stay at home mom, then I needed to be in a position to make a visible difference in people's lives.

I broke through the first story, and I've been getting rid of them slowly, but surely. I have a looooong way to go, but I'll make. I may want to quit a few more times, but I have a great support network. I have surrounded myself with people who know how much it means to me and support my decisions but are willing to tell me when they think what I'm doing may not work. Support with a dose of reality.

Make sure you have your network. It needs to be strong. If someone tells you that it won't work and you can't do it then you need to find a new network. You need people who will be a positive force in your life to share those great moments and get you through the low times.

So... who do you have there for you?

Is Fighting in Your Marriage Healthy?

No one likes to fight. It's exhausting and you can say some pretty nasty things if you aren't careful. Things you can't take back. You snip, snipe and snarl at each other, but in the end have you accomplished anything? Have you worked out what the issue was in the first place?

I hate fighting, but I hate the lingering resentment that comes with it. I also dislike the anxiety it creates when I'm angry and need to speak with him. I hate that feeling of having to talk about something that bothers me. No one likes to bare their feelings even if it is to their beloved partner.

So what to do? Well...suck it up. Talk to your partner. We rarely have a "fight", but when we try to make it as constructive as possible. No name calling. We say what we need to and stop bringing up past things that have already been resolved. We stick to the present. Even if it means that we yell (well okay, I yell lol) and get frustrated. I will say that any discussion we have typically is after the kids go to bed. They are still too young to understand the difference between a nasty fight and a loud or tense/ discussion.

It took us a long time to learn to be truly open to each other and to feel safe with each other. Once we reached that level in our relationship it became easier to talk to each other about difficult things. It was easier to fight on a civilized level and our relationship is better for it.

That doesn't mean once in awhile I don't feel nervous about a subject, but that's me, and nothing to do with him. He has never made me feel bad or belittled me. We still have things to work on, but what couple doesn't? It's only been 10 years. We have plenty more to work on our "fight" ;)

Why I got Rid of My Vision BOard

Growing up we were taught about vision boards. What are they? Vision boards are posters or boards with all of your goals and dreams on them. The type of job you have, the house you want, the wedding you want, the vacation you want etc. You can vision board just about anything. Even in the home businesses I joined previously we had team building exercises where we made vision boards or dream boards. They were fun! They were meant to inspire us to keep our dreams in front of us so we could cross them off as we made them a reality. The problem is that dream/vision boards are just that. They are the dreams and vision we have for our future, but what about the work we need to put into them? Are we doing anything except looking at them? Are we doing anything except looking at them? Instead of making concrete plans we continue to stare at our vision. 

Put away the vision board and make plans. Take the steps you need to actually move toward those dreams rather than just keeping them on a board. Dr. Karen Osburn from Women Wanting More challenges you to throw it away and take an actual step toward what you want. If you have a board then you obviously know what you want.  Take the knowledge of that and take an action step. Just one thing! 

For me, it was deciding what I wanted and signing up for the training. I became a Certified Lactation Counselor. I then signed up to take my massage therapy licensing exam. I'd failed before because I allowed my testing anxiety to get in the way. I passed. I was ELATED. I decided to make that one small step and then another and another. Months later I have changed my path, identifying what I want to do, and taking the steps to make it happen. Today I am also a licensed massage therapist with a place to call home. The goal will be to work with prenatal women into postpartum helping with breastfeeding and teaching parents to massage their babies.

I'm on my path, but that doesn't mean the work is done. I will have lots of work to do to make this into a viable business, but I"m willing. I'm willing to put in what is necessary to get what I want.

Are you?

Progress?

Well, so far I've maintained my temper...most of the time. Even the one time I "yelled" at her I didn't really yell. I was more annoyed and she knew it. We had a chat and it worked out.

So here I am going "okay, we've got this". What does she do? She bites a kid at daycare. My sweet empathetic little girl bit someone! Another girl she likes! What the heck?! Fiona may have a tantrum or two but they rarely last long and she certainly doesn't inflict pain on another child on purpose.

Instead of getting mad, as we were getting ready to home I told her that I'd heard she had a rough day. She mumbled yes, but she didn't really want to talk about it then. I talked to her about what happened. She did say sorry to the kid, but I wasn't satisfied that she knew what she did was wrong. The conversation we had was confusing. I wanted her to understand. I don't think we left the conversation as clear as I wanted, but she got the message that biting is not ok even when she's feeling lots of big emotions.  Hopefully, it'll be fine, but until then I'll just keep talking to her. She is only 4 after all and she's working through lots of emotions as she is getting older.

The "Yell Parent"

So I'm a "yell parent". I didn't mean to be. I didn't want to be. Unfortunately, I slid into it. Arguing

with my 4-year-old. Angry that she wasn't doing what she was told. Forgetting that she's just 4 and

figuring things out. She's my oldest and of course, that means I think she's the smartest kid ever and

can't understand why she doesn't get certain things. That is on me. She's still a baby, not a teen or an

adult. I have to work on my own crap so that I can help her navigate through childhood while still

having fun.

It broke my heart to hear her say "That's ok, yelling is just what grownups do". I was horrified that

my daughter thinks that it is normal for grownups to yell at kids all the time. I knew immediately that

I had to do something. I want my daughter to grow up a strong confident woman. How can she do

that if I undercut her confidence by constantly yelling at her? So I decided to do something about it. I

purchased the book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr.

Laura Markham.

I know a lot of people think that kids need to just listen and deal with it, but I find that I have a 

sensitive little girl who really wants to please and wants to know we approve of her. When I talk to

her gently and explain things and not yell it helps. I started using some of the techniques in the book

and I've noticed a huge difference in our interactions. I love it. She listens more, she understands

more and is wanting to do more.

Today we had such an amazing day. My daughter was laughing and smiling the entire time. Not once

did I see that look of apprehension and/or sadness on her face? Yelling doesn't accomplish anything,

but putting in the work for my kids is. I know we will have our challenges in the future but for now,

we are working together to have a better connection.




Now if you will excuse me I need to go give my babies lots of hugs.

What do I want in my life

What do I want in my life with my marriage, my kids, my work/business life, my body/health, and my spirituality

My life is busy. I"m married with 2 kids, a full-time job. I'm 30 pounds overweight and do not attend church like I'd like to (I work weekends, and worship is only one day a week...yay recordings!). 

In my marriage, I want to find more we can do together. Our life has shifted in the last four years since we had our first daughter. Life is not about work and going out anymore. Life is about how things work with a family. Our interests shift because of it so we need to adjust the things we enjoy together as a family and as a couple. 

I want to be a better mom. One who is more patient and doesn't yell. I admit it, I'm a yell mom. I try not to, but the third and 4th time I have to ask I end up yelling. I do not like it and am working to change it. I want my girls to grow up strong, confident women. Sometimes it can be a challenge to balance wanting them to have the freedom to explore and wanting them to just not annoy me with basic kid things lol.

I currently hate my job. It wasn't always that way. I've also realized that I am treading water. I like to learn new things. I like to change what I'm doing and continue to get better. Unfortunately, there is nowhere to go. No promotions to be had as we have too many people in leadership positions. Due to this, I am finally focusing on the things I want to do but was so scared to truly pursue. I recently received my certification as a Certified Lactation Counselor (CLC) and pursuing the next level, which is IBCLC (board certified lactation consultant). I've also passed my test and am currently applying for my license to practice massage therapy. My goal is to work with all patients, but really focus on prenatal, infants and nursing moms. I'm so excited to pursue these goals.

I seriously need to get back in shape. I do not take the time for me to exercise properly. I eat decently, but not properly. I need a diet that allows me to use my A.D.D. rather than have it work against me. I can utilize it to help me rather than creating chaos in my life. My goal for this year is to have the right diet plan and get into an active exercise routine. I felt better at the pre-baby weight and that is my goal.

I finally found a church that I like a couple of years ago. I'm Presbyterian, and there are not many of those in Rhode Island. Lucky for me, I found one right down the street. It does not take long to get there. The unfortunate thing is that I work weekends and unlike other denominations we only have worship once a week. They do record each Sunday so I am able to listen to the sermons and possibly participate in other events throughout the week or month. Once my schedule changes after I leave my current job, I'll be able to attend more regularly. While I'm working on this I do stay in regular contact with my Pastor, who also happens to be a fellow breastfeeding Mom. Gotta love it!

So what is the answer to this question for YOU? 

*The question was taken from the podcast of Dr. Karen Osburn, creator of Women Wanting More

www.drkarenosburn.com

I highly recommend checking out her FaceBook page Women Wanting More, and the podcast if you even have a single thought of wanting more in your life.