No one likes to fight. It's exhausting and you can say some pretty nasty things if you aren't careful. Things you can't take back. You snip, snipe and snarl at each other, but in the end have you accomplished anything? Have you worked out what the issue was in the first place?
I hate fighting, but I hate the lingering resentment that comes with it. I also dislike the anxiety it creates when I'm angry and need to speak with him. I hate that feeling of having to talk about something that bothers me. No one likes to bare their feelings even if it is to their beloved partner.
So what to do? Well...suck it up. Talk to your partner. We rarely have a "fight", but when we try to make it as constructive as possible. No name calling. We say what we need to and stop bringing up past things that have already been resolved. We stick to the present. Even if it means that we yell (well okay, I yell lol) and get frustrated. I will say that any discussion we have typically is after the kids go to bed. They are still too young to understand the difference between a nasty fight and a loud or tense/ discussion.
It took us a long time to learn to be truly open to each other and to feel safe with each other. Once we reached that level in our relationship it became easier to talk to each other about difficult things. It was easier to fight on a civilized level and our relationship is better for it.
That doesn't mean once in awhile I don't feel nervous about a subject, but that's me, and nothing to do with him. He has never made me feel bad or belittled me. We still have things to work on, but what couple doesn't? It's only been 10 years. We have plenty more to work on our "fight" ;)
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