Every person, every pregnancy and every baby is so very different. Comparing people to each other or to your self is not productive. I know. I know. You've probably heard "You're so (small, big). I was ______. It's annoying isn't it? Especially if you are 5'2 and the person saying this to you is 6'2 or vice versa.
When I was pregnant with my first I gained 32 pounds and people constantly told me I was really small and was I sure everything was ok. At least until the last month when I gained a lot of water weight. With my second I was all belly, but by the time I reached 6 months people kept making comments like "You're so big. You'll be as big as a house by the time you're ready to go." and "Don't have it here!". I gained about 50 pounds this time. I had stretch marks that I didn't have the first time. I had different pains, cravings etc.
My point is that I'm just one person and my two pregnancies were totally different.
I lost count trying to figure out how many of my friends who were due this year alone. I think I stopped at 33 people. Some are first time moms, some are second time around like me and others are on their 3rd, 4th, or 5th child. Each one of these women is built different. their bodies, their health, their structure. Get it? Totally different. Some have singles and some have twins. Some are in their early 20's and some are mid 40's.
With all these differences how can someone believe they can actually compare two women together when you can't even compare pregnancies in a single person!
Now that we have that out of the way...
I have two children and I've had two types of deliveries. My first was a belly birth. She was a scheduled c-section due to being breech and growth restricted. My baby was a peanut. We actually chose her birth day. She was born in a half an hour from when we got started. An hour max from when they brought me to the OR.
My second baby (who will be one month this Saturday!) was an un-medicated vaginal birth.with no interventions (unless you count an attempted membrane sweep. What do I mean? Please see the post on my birth story.). Full active labor and pushing was 6.5 hours.
Even my recoveries with both were vastly different.
There are so many ways to have the birth that you want or that is best for you. You know what they say about best laid plans...
Listen, plan your perfect scenario. Plan how you imagine it going. I don't care how crazy it is Imagine what you want even if it is hanging upside down on a trapeze. Lay it all out. How much if any interventions do you want (pain killers, nitrous, episiotomy, etc)? Do you want a home birth, hospital, birthing center? What is available in your area?
All these things affect how your labor and birth will go. The resources I had, and continued to pursue allowed me to have a positive birth experience with both of my girls. The first didn't go as planned but because of the amazing care I received (after I switched to a new provider at 36 weeks!) I was happy in the end. You need to do the same. Lay out your plans and then write down the things that can change it. If you are prepared that it might change and not be your perfect scenario then you continue to hold the power to the best birth possible. You cannot be disappointed or feel that you failed in how things go if you are already accepting that things can change.
Don't listen to others who are eager to share the gruesome details of their own. Don't let anyone scare you. Being scared will not serve you in any way shape or form. Don't compare your pregnancy to someone else.
You are your own beautiful person. Be the best you can and bring that wonderful little human into the world in the best way for YOU without the chatter of others.
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